He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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