I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
