went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My breasts were aching with rage.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
