Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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