we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Every concussion has its silver lining
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
