I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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