I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
there's paper in my vomit.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
