omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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