I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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