Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
