What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
