I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
