is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
