he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
