I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
