There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
