We need to rekindle our bromance
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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