apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
