she woke up with a sticky ear
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think your dad took our porno
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
