Where is the hickey?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
