sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
