You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
