At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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