I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize