Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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