This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So many bounce houses so little time
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
