the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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