i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
