similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
