Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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