i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
