i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
