Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
