ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
