T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
