I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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