Too much gin, very little bucket
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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