the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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