if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
