How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize