it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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