The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
