ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
