I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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