My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
