If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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