you mean i was at the winter classic?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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