i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
