Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
