I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
