Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
