He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize