i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
