Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
