i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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