He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
