he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
