Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
