i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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