The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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