Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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