is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
COCAINE IS GR8
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
