i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am naked and annoyed.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
