Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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