Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
