i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
