But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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