He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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