THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
