Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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