After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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