ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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