sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
