dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
