Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
