i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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