This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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