Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
