It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
