I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
