I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize