He is such a slut. More and more my type.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
