I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Randomize
