Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
