For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
