Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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