I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize