I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think your dad took our porno
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
