dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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