kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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