I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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