I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My ATM looks so different sober.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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