So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
