I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize