I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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