does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
