There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
