I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize