I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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